the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
