god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
