please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
