I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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