I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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