The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
