i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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