so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
