Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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