I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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