i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
