Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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