I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
