Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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