Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
