Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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