I hate your face
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
