A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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