So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
