i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
