One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I would fuck him just for his dog
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
