I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
