Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did I show you my penis last night?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
