hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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