So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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