Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
