a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
