I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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