Having a random hookup so left but love u
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My feet surprised me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
