If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
