Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
