the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
