Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
