I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
