you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
