He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just found a bag of teeth...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
