I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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