Dude my mom stole all your condoms
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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