i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
