Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
These tits shall not be calmed
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
