i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
