when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
