Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
