K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
