Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
