is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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