It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
