Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
