Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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