I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
