A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
